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Sunday, 12 October 2014
Amazing 10 Tips For Managing Your Mother-In-Law
Do you have a mother-in-law who won’t butt out of your marriage? Or perhaps she’s disapproving or condescending? Got a father-in-law who’s a know-it-all? If you plan on sticking with your spouse, then you’re also stuck with your in-laws, so finding ways to get along with them is crucial. Here’s Dr. Phil’s advice for keeping the peace with your extended family:
1. There can be no divided loyalties. When you get married and start your own family, that’s where your primary loyalty needs to be. Even in the heat of a fight, you need to stand by your spouse — not by your parents.
2. Don’t share your marital problems with your parents. One of the biggest mistakes that couples can make is sharing their relationship issues with their respective families. You fix problems in a marriage within a marriage — not by turning away from your partner and toward your parents. You can love your parents and have a rich, active relationship with them without involving them in your marriage. And remember: If you vent to your parents every time you’re angry or hurt, they’ll build a case against your partner. You and your spouse may make up, but your folks will still remember the hurt your spouse has caused you and may hold a grudge.
3. Negotiate with your partner the role that you want your in-laws to have. Don’t assume you’re on the same page until you talk about it.
4. Create appropriate boundaries. Good fences make good neighbors. Your in-laws need to be your neighbors (figuratively speaking!), and you need to put up fences. Set boundaries about when they are or are not invited into your lives, so they can come in and out of your life appropriately. You’ve got a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. If your in-laws are draining you, you may need to change the boundaries. Reassure them that you are not closing them out.
5 Talk about it. If your in-laws are butting into your life and invading your privacy, perhaps it’s because you and your spouse haven’t set limits or articulated them clearly. That’s your job. Once you’ve set boundaries, talk to your parents about them. They’re not as fragile as you may think.
6. Deal with “the other woman” dynamic. The other woman in every man’s life is his mother. If your husband says: “Well, my mother does it this way …” maybe you need to tell him to head to her house and sleep there! You need to come first now, not her.
7. Know your role. If a husband has a problem with his mother-in-law, it’s his wife’s job to step in. Likewise, if a wife doesn’t see eye-to-eye with her in-laws, it’s her husband who needs to help resolve it. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger or peacemaker.
8. Try not to criticize your spouse. There may be parent/child dynamics that your spouse can’t see; try not to be overly critical. It may only lead to more clinginess or complications.
9. Don’t be a right fighter. Do you always need to be right during an argument? Even if your in-laws are clearly in the wrong from your perspective, the way you react to a situation could inflame it and overshadow your position. It’s not about being right; it’s about being happy. Take the moral high ground and learn to compromise during a disagreement.
10. Don’t involve the children. Children should never be used as pawns. Protect them from being manipulated or emotionally damaged by being in the middle of a war zone. Grandparents need to understand that even though their role is vital in a child’s life, their involvement is a privilege, not a right. They must earn that privilege by putting the children’s interests above their own. Parents should make every effort to keep the relationship between a grandparent and grandchild healthy and loving.
1. There can be no divided loyalties. When you get married and start your own family, that’s where your primary loyalty needs to be. Even in the heat of a fight, you need to stand by your spouse — not by your parents.
2. Don’t share your marital problems with your parents. One of the biggest mistakes that couples can make is sharing their relationship issues with their respective families. You fix problems in a marriage within a marriage — not by turning away from your partner and toward your parents. You can love your parents and have a rich, active relationship with them without involving them in your marriage. And remember: If you vent to your parents every time you’re angry or hurt, they’ll build a case against your partner. You and your spouse may make up, but your folks will still remember the hurt your spouse has caused you and may hold a grudge.
3. Negotiate with your partner the role that you want your in-laws to have. Don’t assume you’re on the same page until you talk about it.
4. Create appropriate boundaries. Good fences make good neighbors. Your in-laws need to be your neighbors (figuratively speaking!), and you need to put up fences. Set boundaries about when they are or are not invited into your lives, so they can come in and out of your life appropriately. You’ve got a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. If your in-laws are draining you, you may need to change the boundaries. Reassure them that you are not closing them out.
5 Talk about it. If your in-laws are butting into your life and invading your privacy, perhaps it’s because you and your spouse haven’t set limits or articulated them clearly. That’s your job. Once you’ve set boundaries, talk to your parents about them. They’re not as fragile as you may think.
6. Deal with “the other woman” dynamic. The other woman in every man’s life is his mother. If your husband says: “Well, my mother does it this way …” maybe you need to tell him to head to her house and sleep there! You need to come first now, not her.
7. Know your role. If a husband has a problem with his mother-in-law, it’s his wife’s job to step in. Likewise, if a wife doesn’t see eye-to-eye with her in-laws, it’s her husband who needs to help resolve it. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger or peacemaker.
8. Try not to criticize your spouse. There may be parent/child dynamics that your spouse can’t see; try not to be overly critical. It may only lead to more clinginess or complications.
9. Don’t be a right fighter. Do you always need to be right during an argument? Even if your in-laws are clearly in the wrong from your perspective, the way you react to a situation could inflame it and overshadow your position. It’s not about being right; it’s about being happy. Take the moral high ground and learn to compromise during a disagreement.
10. Don’t involve the children. Children should never be used as pawns. Protect them from being manipulated or emotionally damaged by being in the middle of a war zone. Grandparents need to understand that even though their role is vital in a child’s life, their involvement is a privilege, not a right. They must earn that privilege by putting the children’s interests above their own. Parents should make every effort to keep the relationship between a grandparent and grandchild healthy and loving.
Culled from naija frenzy
BBA winner Dilish bares boobs in traditional Himba Culture wear
Boko Haram frees 27 hostages in Cameroun
Cameroon’s President Paul Biya said on Friday night that 27 hostages, including 10 Chinese workers, held by suspected Boko Haram insurgents had been released.
Also freed was the wife of Cameroon’s Vice-Prime Minister, Amadou Ali, the British Broadcasting Corporationreported.
President Biya, in a statement on the state radio, said the hostages, seized close to the Nigeria border in May and July, were safe.
Boko Haram is seeking to establish an Islamist state in Nigeria but its fighters often cross the long and porous border with Cameroon.
Many Nigerian civilians in border towns have fled to Cameroon to escape Boko Haram attacks, which have been stepped up in recent months.
In July, Cameroon, Nigeria, Chad and Niger agreed to form a 2,800-strong regional force to tackle the Boko Haram insurgents.
Cameroon has reinforced its troops in its northern regions.
Biya said in the state radio broadcast, “The 27 hostages kidnapped on May 16, 2014, at Waza and on July 27, 2014, at Kolofata were given this night to Cameroonian authorities.
“Ten Chinese, the wife of the Vice Prime Minister Amadou Ali, the Lamido (a local religious leader) of Kolofata, and the members of their families kidnapped with them are safe.”
No details were given on the circumstances of the release
50 Things Boys Don`t Know About Girls
1. Girls hate it when guys say perverted things.
2. Girls like to be told that they?re beautiful, rather than hot, pretty, cute, or sexy. It just gives more meaning.
3. Girls love to feel special, even though they might not show it.
4. Girls talk about EVERYTHING with their girlfriends. So that means, you?re possibly 90% of their conversation. And believe me, trash talking takes up most of it, unless you?re a Greek god, which you?re not.
5. When girls are online, they want the guy to instant message them first, and they literally burn up inside when they?re not messaged. Of course, when they are messaged, they play it all cool and go ?oh, hey? as if they just discovered your message.
6. Girls have a thing for guys who dress GQ.
7. Girls love it when guys are over 6 feet.
8. Girls find it awfully attractive when guys wear just a white t-shirt and jeans and yet they happen to look awesome in it.
9. Remember. Sense of humor. GIRLS LOVE GUYS WHO CAN MAKE THEM LAUGH.
10. Girls hate guys with bad hygiene. So put on that deodorant and clip those nails!
11. Girls love guys who know how to dance.
12. Girls love it when a guy pulls them close by the waist.
13. Girls go crazy when a guy smells good.
14. Girls hate cocky guys.
15. Usually, when a girl is sarcastically mean to you, it means they?re attracted to you, but are afraid that they?ll be showing too much.
16. A kiss on the hand with the right timing can be a REAL TURN-ON.
17. Girls have a thing for guys who sport blazers with a destroyed tee underneath.
18. Girls have a thing for guys who have messy sex hair.
19. Some girls can think about their crushes for 18+ hours straight. No exaggeration.
20. When a guy says something really sentimental, girls will remember it forever.
21. The smallest gestures, the smallest stares, and the smallest statements could make a girl?s year. No joke.
22. Girls get embarased easily, even if guys don?t know what the hell just happened.
23. Girls daydream about their crushes. Like getting married, going on dates, kissing, etc. They just don?t show it.
24. Girls HATE players.
25. Guys who can sing are a major turn on.
26. Guitarists are sexy.
27. When a girl is upset and wants you to listen, she wants you to listen. Don?t give her advice unless she asks for it.
28. When a girl is crying, she feels a lot safer if you pull her close and tell her that everything is going to be alright.
29. Girls love it when guys say their name.
30. Girls don?t like short tempered guys.
31. Sometimes girls just wish that guys would notice when they get a new haircut or if they?re wearing eyeliner.
32. When a girl calls you her loser or her dork, it usually means she?s attracted to you.
33. Girls find it a lot more romantic if you just fall asleep with them holding them with your arms rather than having a night of hot kinky sex.
34. Girls will never say I love you unless you say it first. But that doesn?t mean she doesn?t want to scream it from the top of her lungs.
35. Girls love confidence.
36. Girls don?t like rock-hard guys. They like to know that guys can have a sensitive side too.
37. There comes a time when girls have needs too. Enough said.
38. A girl will cry over you a lot more than you think.
39. A girl?s wounds can last awhile. And when I say awhile, I mean awhile.
40. Girls hate guys who smell bad.
41. When a girl cooks for you, you know you mean a lot to her.
42. Girls don?t like it when you think other women are hot and say it so.
43. Eyeliner is a girl?s essential product. Don?t ever try to take it away from her.
44. Girls hate it, absolutely HATE IT when guys don?t keep their promises. It throws them over the top.
45. Every girl fantasizes about her wedding. Her dress, her flowers, her shoes, her hair. More than you think.
46. Girls hate it when other guys flirt. Yet they flirt themselves too. Ah, the beauty of irony.
47. Girls will save instant message conversations when they like a guy.
48. A phone call, a text message, or a single Hershey?s kiss will mean A LOT MORE than a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates on her birthday.
49. Every girl think she?s pretty in one way or another. They just won?t admit it.
50. Girls are VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS when it comes to their looks. No makeup is a very sensitive topic to them.
Saturday, 11 October 2014
Pastor with AIDS confesses to sleeping with church members(Photo)
An Alabama pastor shocked his flock by reportedly confessing from the pulpit that he has AIDS, had slept with church members, used drugs and misused funds.
Rev. Juan Demetrius McFarland of Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church in Montgomery confirmed to WSFA that he made the admissions in a series of sermons that began in September.
Deacon Nathan Williams said the church membership voted 80-1 to remove McFarland as pastor on Oct. 5, but he refused to step down.Williams said
"He fraudulently concealed from the congregation...that he had knowingly engaged in adultery in the church building with female members of Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church while knowingly having AIDS," .He also "fraudulently withheld information that he had been engaging in the use of illegal drugs while preaching and performing pastoral duties" and "withheld information from church membership that he had misused church funds,"Williams said his reaction to pastor's disclosures was "disappointment and hurt...
I never dreamed of anything like that."He said that the congregation's response to McFarland's initial disclosure that he was HIV-positive was concern for his health, but the sentiment changed when he admitted to misdeeds and then tried to appoint a new set of deacons.
"He said he was in control and there was nothing we could do to stop him,"Church leaders tried to change the locks on the door, but were confronted by McFarland and a supporter who declared they were banned from the premises and would face "castle law" if they tried to attend services
"They're worried if they show up to church, they could get shot," he said. "Unless the pastor steps down voluntarily, this may very well end up in court."McFarland, has been pastor for 21 years
Friday, 10 October 2014
2015: Open Letter To Muhammadu Buhari
Director of Media and Strategy of Great Nigeria Movement (GNM), Edozie Okeiyi, publicly addressed General Muhammadu Buhari regarding the official’s intention to seek presidency in the next year’s elections.
It is not the first time Mr Okeiyi has shared his opinion on the political issues of the country. In June we published his piece titled “10 Reasons Nigerians Should Re-elect Jonathan In 2015″.
Today, October 10, 2014 the GNM representative sent an open letter to Buhari saying he had no other possibility to contact the politician.
It would be recalled that the former military Head of State vowed to declare his presidential ambition on the platform of the All Progressives Congress (APC) on October 8. It was made known this week however that the official announcement had been shifted for October 15. Buhari’s decision was highly criticized by some of his party members who insisted he should have anointed a younger candidate for 2015 elections.
Okeiyi’s opinion on the current situation with Buhari’s bid was published by Leadership. See it in full below:
“Dear Sir,
OPEN LETTER TO GENERAL BUHARI
I have been constrained to write you through the media because I do not have an alternative way of reaching you. Permit me to share my opinion on your presidential ambition, which I think is equally shared by many Nigerians of my generation irrespective of ethnic or religious differences.
Sir, I heard about you first on the 31st of December 1983. Then I was a ten year old boy in primary six, celebrating with the whole nation on the arrival of our military Heroes. At least so we thought! The jubilations were spontaneous. The nationwide celebrations signalled the demise of the second republic and ushered in the military dispensation commonly referred to as the Buhari/Idiagbon regime. Immediately you launched the War Against Indiscipline and introduced the Nationwide Monthly Sanitation Exercise. The WAI crusade stuck in my brain and still reverberates up till now. To simplify the message my Teacher introduced an Igbo acronym for WAI: Wepu Ajo Ihe; which literally translates: Remove Bad Thing.
Sir, I must confess that the image that stuck in me about Buhari/Idiagbon was that of two no-nonsense characters, straight talkers, people who meant yes when they said yes and vice versa. This impression I believe was equally shared by many others in my generation.
Today, I am a 41 year old Nigerian. A lot has changed. I see things differently now. I am now a fully grown man who can analyse issues critically. One thing I believe passionately is that it is very important for one to set a standard for oneself, but equally more important to sustain the standard.
On the final lap of your presidential campaign for 2011, you made an open declaration in front of the media and your supporters, without mincing words you stated emphatically that 2011 would be your last attempt to contest the Presidency. Going by your legacy and standard, many People including I took you by your words. After all Buhari means yes when he says yes. However that promise was short lived. Before one can say Jack Robinson you have joined the race again for the fourth consecutive time, contrary to your open declaration.
Of course I concede you have every right to change your mind and contest every election as long as you live. It is however very remarkable to observe that you shot yourself in the foot when you reneged on your promise to Nigerians not to contest the Presidency again. So judging you by your own standard, you have fallen below expectations. The pertinent question people are asking now is ” HOW CAN WE EVER TRUST YOU AGAIN”? Another important questing worth asking you is ” WHAT IS NOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BUHARI AND OTHER POLITICIANS”? I would say none! Oh yes you have got the constitutional right to contest, but eating your words has done your reputation more harm than good. People now see you, and quite justifiably, just like a typical politician who is unstable and unreliable.
Some of your supporters continue to amuse me by claiming that President Jonathan allegedly signed a one term pact with them. Unlike you Jonathan never made any open declaration to serve only for one term. Those of them who continue to make this ridiculous allegation have refused to produce the transcript of the said agreement or tender any proof to substantiate this. So as far as Nigerians are concerned Jonathan never struck any one term deal with us. But you did promise openly and suddenly reneged. In fact you actually sealed the promise with your tears. An elder Statesman of your calibre and pedigree made a promise and shed tears to seal it, that should have been final. It is very symbolic when an Elder sheds tears in the continent of Africa. It was a covenant with Nigerians not to contest again. A promise abruptly broken. But this is politics. Everything is possible in this game.
Sir, I know you have many reasons for reneging on your promise but most of these reasons are laughable. Some claim your supporters put pressure on you to change your mind, but this is an old excuse which is as old as Nigeria. Even late General Abacha had people begging him to contest. A principled and disciplined officer like you should have remained steadfast to your open declaration. Others claim you are still young, after all you would be only 72 by the next Presidential election. At 72 you would still be much younger than Mugabe. So they claim!
But they conveniently refused to check Mugabe’s next door neighbour Madiba. Suffice it to say that Mandela is the very opposite of Mugabe and the ideal role model for all African leaders. Mandela declined to go for a second term because according to him , age was not on his side. He could have won a second term and transformed to a life President if he wished. But he never did. He voluntarily made way for the younger generation to continue from where he stopped. This is what is expected of you now to retire voluntarily and join the respected league of Elders where you truly belong.
Another reason which some of your supporters have tendered is that you are genuinely motivated by service and patriotism. I gladly take this on board. I can give you the benefit of the doubt that you are driven by the urge to serve your fatherland. This is a very valid reason. But Sir, I have an important question here for you. The question is simple, MUST YOU SERVE NIGERIA AS A PRESIDENT ONLY? IS THERE NO OTHER CAPACITY YOU CAN SERVE US EXCEPT THE PRESIDENCY?
It is very erroneous to imagine that you can only serve Nigeria only in one capacity. During the regime of late General Sani Abacha, you accepted the appointment to serve as the Chairman of the then Petroleum Trust Fund PTF. The general opinion was that you served faithfully in this capacity. Well done Sir! But you never asked Abacha to vacate office for you as your former subordinate in the army. Never! In fact that would have been a dangerous move, if not suicidal. Rather you served faithfully under your former junior in the army. Sir, imagine if you take on another job like the Chairman of EFCC or ICPC or NDLEA. Nigerians actually need you to serve in one of these capacities much more than they need you in the Presidency. Mere mentioning your name as Chairman of EFCC would drive many corrupt men underground. But you wouldn’t . Either the Presidency or nothing. So it seems!
Sir, let us examine your service records. I consider your generation a very privileged one, indeed. In 1975 at the age of 33, you were appointed the Military Governor of the North-Eastern State, present day Borno & Yobe states. In 1976 at the age of 34 you became the Minister for Petroleum and Natural Resources. In 1978 at the age of 36 you became the Chairman of the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC).
Today the reverse is the case. Most Nigerians at age of 35 are still unemployed and still living with parents. Many are still not married. During your time you were already Governor at this age. One major reason for this unfortunate turn of events is that many elders like you have refused to voluntarily handover the baton to the next generation. Life should be a relay race where one runs his race and hands over to the next. In Nigeria many elders like you have run their races and are still holding on tenaciously to the baton. When are you going to handover to the next person? It is either you do it voluntarily or risk disgrace at the polls. In 1983 at the age of 41, exactly the same age as my humble self now, you became the Head of State.
Most Nigerians in my age have not had the opportunity to serve, but we still remain committed to the Nigerian project. You should rather be graceful to God and to Nigerians for the numerous opportunities that have come your way to serve Nigerians. Others are begging for just one opportunity to serve.
Sir, you have to accept the stark reality on ground that you have served your time already. That is life for you. You run the race, you handover the baton for others to run, you cannot hold on to the baton more than is necessary. As a former head of State you are already a member of the Council of State Meeting. You have every avenue to channel your views across. You don’t necessarily have to be in a frontline role, you can serve in an advisory capacity. That is still service.
In conclusion, let me state that the greatest beneficiary should you emerge candidate of the APC would be President Jonathan. It is crystal clear that you cannot defeat President Jonathan in a free, fair and credible election, even in Katsina State. Sentiments aside, Jonathan would cruise to a landslide victory should you emerge candidate of the APC.
In fact many political analysts believe that President Jonathan wants you to emerge as the APC flag bearer in order to secure a cheap victory. In fairness to you, any of your Children would pose a serious challenge to Jonathan more than yourself. I do not see Nigerians electing a 72 year old former Head of state to lead us in this Digital era.
With due respect to you Sir, you belong to the Analogue age and therefore, will not fit in as president in this digital era. This is the blunt truth. Please do not enter the Guinness book of world records on a negative note. Losing four consecutive Presidential election would not augur well for your reputation. It is in your best interest to assume your position as an elder statesman and allow others to serve. Nigeria does not belong to you alone. It belongs to us all.”
Culled from naij
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