8 signs you are not ready for relationship

A young girl asked me this question recently and I quote “When do I know I am ready for a relationship?” and I was like... There is no cookie cutter answer to this, but as always I will give my perspective based on what I have been through and past suggestions that have been successful. I want to stress we all have a love tank that needs to be filled, but we don’t have to fill that tank through the opposite sex in the confines of a romantic relationship. The need for companionship often leads to developing unhealthy habits that only delay having a healthy relationship partner. The truth is this - When you can be happy alone, then you are ready for a relationship. 

With respect to that, Here are my 8 signs you are not ready for relationship:

1. You struggle with insecurities. 
Insecurities only make our relationships worse and not better. You will always have those situations where arguments and problems blow up because of insecurities. In some cases of insecurities you are only seeking the relationship because of your insecurities because it makes you feel better about yourself. 

2. You have not healed from past pains or bitterness. 
When we refuse to heal and forgive we allow the person in our past to have control over us. When you forgive you release that pain and the control it has over you. Holding anger from a past relationship will only make you bitter. I discuss this topic deeper in my blog “Healing before Love” click here. If bitterness is your issue read the blog “10 steps for overcoming bitterness and resentment.”

3. You have not taken responsibility for the part you played in the failure of your past relationships. 
We always hear people say “it was not my fault” or “he did this or she did that” the truth of the matter is that we are all participators in our pain- there are no victims. We have to always look ourselves in the mirror and ask the questions, what is wrong with me. And how can I improve to make my life better? I think we rarely see this type of deep introspection, but we often see the victim mentality. Good or bad your past relationships can make you a better person if you allow those experiences to inspire growth.

4. You don’t love yourself. 
Often people don’t understand what this truly means. Loving self doesn’t mean, “ I am doing me” or “It’s all about me”; that is simply an immature and selfish thought process. Loving self means you understand your self-worth and you do things daily to improve who you are and the lives of others around you. When you love yourself, you treat people kind and you seek a mutual oneness with those connected to you. When we seek relationships without loving self, our self-worth is tied to the connection of another person. Our self-worth goes up and down depending on how the person with whom we’re connected feels about us. So, when your relationship partner puts you down you believe what they say. Develop a health self-love before seeking relationships.

5. You’re selfish and have a critical spirit. 
Selfish people can’t love unconditionally, period, so this is something we must be mindful of. If you are selfish, you only love in the moment and once that moment is over, you are gone. When things are hard, difficult, or not your way, you bounce as well. A critical spirit is based in pride. When we are critical, we kill the spirit of other people. Work on these things before seeking a relationship.

6. You are fresh out of a relationship.
This is a huge one! I see this far too often. Give yourself time to heal before rushing into a new relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with a beautiful girl who was not ready for a relationship, because she was not healed from her last one. Even before we got serious, I knew it was a bad idea, but I moved out of my human emotion. When we make emotional decisions, in most cases, it leaves us heart-broken. Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but will delay your healing. Give yourself time to heal. The longer the past relationship, the longer you need to take to heal.

7. You can’t be happy alone. 
The ability to be happy alone is a prerequisite to being ready for a relationship or marriage. 

8. You’re still dealing with your ex. 
Don’t pursue relationships with people if you are still dealing with your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. Make a decision about your ex before creating something new.