Diddy Files $100 Million Dollar Lawsuit Against B.E.T. for Stage Fall

“He’s been so much of a bully lately maybe that was karma biting him in the ass–literally” Said the Jewish lawyer of Black Entertainment Television about Diddy’s fall during their 2015 B.E.T. awards.

Diddy has filed a lawsuit against B.E.T. for $100 million dollars after the rap mogul says the faulty stage could have left him paralyzed for life.

“MY DANCING IS WHAT MADE ME MY MILLIONS. WITHOUT MY LEGS THEIR WOULD BE NO CIROC, SEAN JOHN, BIGGIE SMALLZ” – DIDDY



“I made B.E.T. in the earlier days so most of their money belong to me anyway. What would B.E.T. be without my classic rap videos full of b**tches, bling, and shiny suits” said the mogul in a New York City court.

Diddy says the main reason for him filing the lawsuit is because the doctor said he’d never be able to do the Diddy bop again.

The Girl In The Striped Pajamas

You SICK people…

Having a read a few of these stories, the authors tend to begin by clarifying their position with some sort of benign platitude. The lads will generally trumpet something like “I’m not a stud but…” or “I’m just an average sized guy but…”. The girls version goes “I’ve never done anything like this before but this night…” or “I’m not the type to…”. Well I’m not going to stand on ceremony here; you’ll get no benign platitudes from me. I’d used ice cubes in bed before with girlfriends. It’s always been good. But it’s what happened after all was said and done that’s important here and the reality is, this story is just worth telling and that’s the crux and fact of it.

Porterhouse. Temple Bar. The one with the huge brass vat upstairs. A cold Sunday evening. We had arrived about an hour before she walked in, and were on the way with revelry and laughter the sounds of the night as she sat down with her friends. There were four of us, three lads and one of the lads girlfriends. My tooth had been at me for the past few days so I was knocking back the pionta’s at a rate, to help with the pain. I was going to the dentist tomorrow anyway. She was helping with the distraction too. We all have a type and she was mine in every respect. She had this hazelnut hair and smooth, tanned skin. She sat with a group of friends, resting her head on her hand delightfully as she listened and laughed with them. Each time she smiled my interested piqued and I found myself smiling too. She wore an off the shoulder white jumper which revealed a thin, hot pink bra strap. Her pale blue jeans that looked like they were tailor made for her hips and she wore a light beanie that look as if it had fallen from above and landed perfectly on her head; my type in every way.

Fast forward another hour and we’re standing at the banisters that surround the stage, watching the band having a chat. Things were going well and if I’d been asked at that point I’d have been happy with a score and a bit of touchy-feely. She was a recently qualified nurse and really good fun. Not just fun in the “I want a bit of that so everything you do I’ll laugh at to make it happen” fun, but genuinely banterful. After an hour of good craic, some kissing, with my friends lost to the night, and her pain in the arse cockblocker friend finally resigned to the idea she had decided to spend time with me, I was surprised but delighted to find myself in a taxi on the way to Ranelagh…to her house.

I’ve always found that in those situations where you know what’s about to unfold but it hasn’t started yet, a sense of nervousness takes over. I sat on the end of her bed, fidgety. She’d brought up two pints of iced water and left them on the bedside table. Off she had then gone into her ensuite. I sat nervously on the end of the bed, not wanting to do anything more than take off my shoes in case I looked too eager. She opened the bathroom door and stood there in stripped candy pyjamas, all different sorts of pink. Behind her, I could see her clothes on the floor; beanie, jeans, white top hot pink bra. Game on.

I don’t know what compelled me to do it but I’m glad I did. Reaching over I take an ice cube from one of the pint glasses and put it in my mouth. I start at her neck and come down between her breasts, avoiding nipples teasingly. After a minute or two of this, I notice her moving her breasts towards my half warm half cold trail of kisses. Taking this as cue I move suddenly to her nipples and she writhes and lets out a sound that could only be good. I spend two or three minutes teasing and running the cube over her breasts and nipples, enjoying her moving with the pleasure. A few minutes later I’ve moved all the way down and I’m finding it harder to keep doing what I’m doing because she’s moving so much. There’s a rise in volume and an arch of the back she raises herself to my tongue and the ice before dropping to the bed. She lies there quivering. My job is done and I had a great time doing it. A few minutes later and she’s got the ice in her mouth and I’m on my back enjoying her mouth and thanking whatever god you choose to believe in she brought up iced water. As the night went on she made two more trips for ice. I can advise of the following –

1-      Doggy style while running an ice cube over her back and arse is incredible

2-      Her on top while you run ice holding hands all over her is incredible

3-      Every which way you can introduce ice to the act is generally incredible

In the morning we say our goodbyes and I make sure to swap numbers. Coffee is arranged for later in the week, we have a long kiss goodbye and I’m feeling good as I strut down the Appian Way. Come a quarter to ten and I’m on the dentist’s chair being told the news that I need a filling. On you go says I as he explains the process of anaesthetising the region and filling it in with an amalgamate. He asks do I want a bit of ice on the spot before the injection as some people like it to help with the pain of the piercing of the needle? I smile fondly, and say yes. Pressing an intercom on the chair he asks a nurse to bring in some sterile ice. He’s off preparing his tools and what not when the door opens and standing there, in pink scrubs, holding a kidney dish of ice cubes smiling widely, is the girl in the stripped pyjamas…

Trick Or Threesome +18

They were in a bedroom; himself, Chris and the girl with the minstrel eyes (whose name turned out to be Niamh). Drinks had been had and the party was roaring downstairs but Chris insisted he had a surprise. Reaching into his fireman costume, he produced a small bag of white powder. At first they were cautious but eventually they went for it. “Fuck it sure, be grand.”

Within the next half an hour they were buzzed, pumped with energy. Niamh and Owen found a corner, gripping at each others’ costumes. Her cat woman leggings were in no way removable on the sly but they were too worked up to wait till later, he Hailoed a taxi and within minutes they were en route to his dorm.

The taxi ride was intense. With complete disregard for the driver, they groped at each other; her hands fumbling in his pants, his hands up her shirt and their lips exploring everywhere within a 7 inch radius of their lips. Pulling up to a halt, they paid the driver and stumbled with excitement to his door. Fumbling with his keys while she fumbled with his zipper they finally got into the apartment, kissing passionately. As he pulled away from her lips he saw her, out of the corner of his eye. Dressed in a short, fitted red dress with devil horns was Dr. Cameron. He was dumb-founded, as were the two women.

“Aren’t you in my class?” Dr. Cameron asked Niamh. She nodded. She rose to her feet and strutted towards them, “I’d know that ass anywhere.” she whispered as she slid her hand down the middle of her leather leggings, her breathe warm on Niamh’s neck. Turning to face her, their lips brushed. They kissed softly, her grip tightening on Niamh’s ass while Niamh’s hands lifted to her chest and she could feel her leather leggings getting wetter and wetter. The girls kissed and played with each other, until Dr. Cameron turned to Owen and asked him to join in. He stood behind Niamh, kissed her neck and felt her body.

Dr. Cameron dropped to her knees and finished unzipping his pants, taking his dick out she started to suck it while he kissed Niamh. Niamh then reached down to Dr. Cameron’s exposed ass that was sticking out of her short dress and started to finger her from behind. Then she too dropped to her knees and shared Owen’s dick. Dr. Cameron lay on her back and Niamh got on top of her and played with her tits. Owen pulled her leggings off; the kinky bitch wasn’t wearing any underwear. He then mounted her and started to fuck her from behind while she fingered Dr. Cameron. Placing her hand on Niamh’s head, she guided her down and encouraged her to lick her pussy. Owen stood up and went to Dr. Cameron’s head, lowering his cock into her mouth. Niamh got up, spread her legs and pulled Dr. Cameron’s head between them. Owen proceeded to fuck Cameron while she licked Niamh’s clit.

Moving to the bedroom, Owen lay on the bed. The girls shared his dick before they started to 69. Owen got so turned on by this he started stroking himself. Niamh’s clit began to swell as she felt the walls of her pussy quiver, Dr. Cameron grinded her clit into Niamh’s tongue aggressively, turning to Owen and ordering him to fuck her. He mounted her from behind, dipping his cock into her wet pussy, his balls occasionally coming into contact with Niamh’s soft tongue. Picking up the pace and moaning in harmony, Owen’s thrusts came deeper and harder, forcing Dr. Cameron to lick Niamh’s pussy harder and faster. Cumming hard and fast, they collapsed on top of each other, breathing heavily and fully satiated.

Breakup 101: ‘It’s not you, It’s me’

They’re avoiding eye contact and they’ve been doing it the whole night. You feel disconnected from them and you know deep down something’s ‘off’ but you’re pretending like you don’t notice. The conversation keeps leading back to the tornado that is your relationship (which prior to this evening you would have described as a peaceful lake). With her teary eyes and puffy lips she begins telling you “this isn’t working” and asking if “you’re happy”. And just like that, the cruel mistress that is reality comes crashing down and you realize, oh fuck she just dumped your sorry ass. It’s cool, don’t worry, it happens to the best of us and this is what you should do…

1) Talk it out.

An important step towards closure is saying everything that you need to say. She or He is giving you the classic breakup speech and you have nothing better to say than “oh wow”. This is the perfect opportunity to empty out your thoughts towards that person. Say you love them, tell them they suck for what they’re doing and how much that shit is hurting you. And I know it sounds pathetic (and believe me it is) but it’s also important that they know your final thoughts on the whole thing. If you want to move on quickly you need to have little to no regrets, so pour out your little broken heart and walk away feeling sad but also free. Don’t hold back.

2) Cry Like a Baby.

I can already picture guys reading this like- “Pfft what? I ain’t gonna cry, that shit’s for pussies”. Homie you and I both know I saw you crying at Toy Story 3 when they were in the furnace, you’re full of it mate. And that’s what you need to do; it will honestly make you feel better. Just put Demi Lovato ‘Skyscraper’ on repeat, sing along till you know every single word and till you’ve mastered the song to the point where you’re even sounding better than her. Cry you little bish, let it out.

3) Talk To People.

If you’re close with your parents feel free to go to them, but I would suggest going to your friends. They probably won’t get into the nitty gritty of your deep feelings etc.. but what they will do is lampoon the person who dumped you. They will insult them, they will bring up every flaw they have and use it as a weapon against her. In all honestly it’s fairly mean, but it’s exactly what you need in that moment. It doesn’t even have to be true, but soon after you’ll find yourself joining in with the defamation of her character and this person who you once saw as perfect starts to seem pretty flawed.

4) Rebound.

Will a rebound replace the missing pieces she took when she left? Course not, don’t be an idiot. But it’s a win; it’s something you need. It’s the first step taken towards the gradual process of moving on. You’re tongue is in someone else’s mouth and where’s her tongue? Pfft prolly eating some ice cream as she cries only now realizing what a catch you are.

5) Distance Yourself.

It’s hard to move on from someone if everywhere you look, you’re reminded off them. Get rid of ALL their stuff; contact her and let her know that one of your boys is going to go drop a box of her things to her house. Delete her number, unfollow that twitter and turn off chat specifically for her on Facebook. Once again, not one of the most classy or mature moves, but it’ll make your steps towards recovery a lot easier.

6) Watch Rom-Coms.

Of course you’re going to see her; me and you both knew this was coming don’t act so surprised. It’s okay, just play it cool yeah? “AGH I still love you “… well look at that, you’ve just gone and fucked it up. At this point, you’re going to want reminisce about all the good times you had and the feelings and all that shit but don’t, I repeat DON’T, involve her in this process. Don’t look at old messages, don’t look at old pictures and don’t call her. Relive those same feelings through films, where you can feel those emotions but you’re disconnected from the experience. You can reminisce but minimize your pain by so much. I personally would suggest Moonrise Kingdom for this very action…and believe me, you will once again cry your eyes out.

7) Have An Emotional Epiphany.

You’re ready, you’ve been prepping for this very event and now it’s time for your emotional epiphany. Get lost in yourself, maybe read a couple John Green books (I’ve read 1 and a half and have basically become a master of emotions), or maybe just sit in your room and think. Just as the pit of darkness you’re in seems endless, you’ll spot a something; that my friend is enlightenment. You’re a pretty awesome person and you’ll move past this, you won’t let this destroy. Time heals all wounds and you’ve noticed that everyday it hurts just that little bit less. You’re not 100% over it and you won’t be for a long time, but you’re okay, you’re happy. You see her walking around college and you’re not filled to the brim with despair. Maybe you can be friends now or maybe you want nothing to do with her, that’s a question to ask for another day. You’ve officially moved on.

You Can Talk About Anything: 14 Signs You’re In The Right Relationship

Relationships are tricky under any circumstances. But when you find the right one, you just know. They’re your best friend and your other half. You can talk about anything and just sit around doing nothing together. Pure bliss. Here’s the 14 signs you’re in the right relationship.

1) You can make each other laugh.

Full on. Tears streaming down your face, gasping for breath, ugly crying, laughter. You could have laughing fits for over 10 minutes together about absolutely nothing.

2) You can slag each other without offending them.

Just like you would with your best friend, you can slag them so much it would be offensive to anyone else.

3) There’s never an awkward silence.

You could sit together and say nothing for days. Doesn’t bother you at all.

4) You still tease and flirt with each other.

You flirt with each other like you’ve only met. The spark lives on!

5) You can fart in front of him.

That’s true love, right there.

6) You will always try and cheer each other up.

When one of you isn’t feeling that great you’ll drop all your plans and hang out with them just to make sure they’re okay. So sweet.

7) He brings you chocolate when you’re PMSing.

He’s not disgusted by the word “period” (or maybe he is but he doesn’t show it). He rolls with your mood swings and soothes you with sweets and back rubs.

8) “Netflix and chill” actually means Netflix and chill.

There’s no code names here. When you say “Netflix and chill” you mean get out the matching onesies and watch 3 seasons of Breaking Bad.

9) You each have your own friends and shared friends.

He has his friends, she has her friends and you both have a group of mutual friends. You both understand that you have to spend time with your own friends every once in a while. You’ve got each others back.

10) You have differences that aren’t that big of a deal.

Your opinions differ on countless things but you listen to each other and try to grasp their point of view. (Even if it’s definitely, absolutely 100% wrong.)

11) Your sexy time is great.

It always has been and it always will be. End of.

12) You never fight over stupid things.

Yeah you fight, everyone does. But it’s never about him liking some bitches Instagram. Get over yourself.

13) You make a good team.

You have this un-established rhythm that just naturally materialised.

14) You can talk about ANYTHING.

No topic is too taboo. Poo, fetishes, porn. Bring it on