What Each Sex Position Will Make Her Scream

I like to have sex…a lot. Who doesn’t, right? It’s because I love women. There isn’t any part of a woman that I can’t find sexy from one angle or another. Legs, ass, thighs, neck, arms, armpits, wrists, ankles, bellybutton, the curves in the back, the curves around the hips, the breasts, nipples, even the little hairs that cover just about everything.

Women are a work of art and I guess it’s for this reason I feel the need to stick my paintbrush in them. I don’t discriminate when it comes to women either — as long as I find them beautiful and sexy, they’re my type. Black, white, yellow, brown or any mix thereof is game. Location doesn’t matter either — anywhere and everywhere is my motto.

Positions? The more variety, the more fun. I’m not one for quickies…If I’m going to have sex, I like to make sure that I’m dehydrated by the end of it. If you’re going for hours, then you have no choice but to switch things up or risk monotony and the disappearance of excitement. The funny thing that I noticed is that although most women have a certain ‘go-to’ exclamation of ecstasy when in the act of doing the dirty-dirty, if you mix things up with the same woman (or women) enough, you are bound to get different exclamations from different positions. It must have something to do with the depth of penetration, the angle of entrance and the type of clitoral stimulation.

Whatever it is, it’s a lot of fun. Here are a few of my favorite positions and some of the most often accompanying screams of orgasmic pleasure. I’ve done in-depth research with a large group of participants, so I believe this to be fairly accurate. I’m curious to see if you find this to correlate with your own sexual experiences.

“Oh My God!”- Missionary

This is the position we all start with. Woman on her back and guy on top. To be honest, this is one of my favorite positions because the man is the one in control — I like control — and because gravity is on your side, the depth of penetration is maximal. Of course, maximum penetration is not always what you are looking for — some women find it uncomfortable when the guy goes in too deep.

However, if you are looking for her to scream “Oh My God!” — this is your position. The depth and control combined with the clitoral stimulation available with such a comfortable position is optimal for her pleasure. Unfortunately, it is also optimal for his pleasure…so you may need to switch it up before finishing too quickly yourself.

“Holy Sh*t!”- Female Superior

Woman on top — who can say no to that. There’s nothing in the world quite as attractive as a strong, confident woman. This translates perfectly into the bedroom. There are several variations of having the woman on top, one of which is the Reverse Cowgirl (awesome), so feel free to play around with it. Having the woman on top can be ideal for when the man is having trouble bringing her to orgasm — it happens to the best of us. Having her on top allows her to get the rhythm, pace, depth and pressure that she wants in order for her to get herself to bliss.

The majority of women will yell “Holy Sh*t!’ when they reach the peak — my guess is that it’s because she is surprised at how good she really is. “Holy sh*t do I know how to work that D…” Of course, if you’re like me you can only allow her so much control in the sack and will need to switch it up after a few minutes. Then again… watching her twerk all over you is not something many can complain about.

“F*ck me!”- Doggy Style

I’m pretty sure this was the first position I ever tried — I saw it in so many pornos going through puberty that I had to give it a try the second I was granted access into the Garden of Eden. I will be honest and tell you that I didn’t get a “F*ck me!” the first time around, but after some practice this was just about all I could get the woman to say in this position.

Hopefully she has long hair so that you can pull her hair back during; if not, take both of her wrists behind her back in one of your hands and hold her up by her shoulder with her other. I’m getting excited just writing about it.

“YES! YES! Right There!” – Seated Scissor

This one is a variation of her on top. Man is on his back with his knees bent while the woman straddles him with one leg on the side of his hip and the other around his leg. This again will allow for the woman to have the control while using your leg for support. She can vary the speed and the rotations while having to turn her head just to look at you.

For some reason or another this position is very exciting for both people — I think it’s because it gives the man a silhouette view of the woman. They just have such amazingly arousing silhouettes. She’ll be screaming “Right There!” with minimum effort on your side.

“Don’t Stop!”-Flat Iron

I had to look up the name of this one. This is one of my go-to positions: Woman lies down on her stomach in plank position while the man straddles her. Eventually the woman will raise her hips towards the man to get more penetration. This is great for both the man and the woman because while the woman gets a fuller feel of the man due to her having her legs closed tight, the man gets a bit of cushion for the pushin’. This is a great position for mutual finish. She’ll be telling you not to stop and you’ll be more than happy to oblige.

“Blmfghlmmmm!”- 69

Need I say more? For a twist, try this one standing. The guy will need a good amount of upper body strength in order to flip the woman upside down, but it’s most definitely worth it. Be careful though… with all the blood rushing to her head she could pass out if kept there for too long.

“Harder! HARDER!”- Standing

Stand up. Throw her arms around your neck. Pick her up from behind her knees and settle her softly onto the sweet spot. This position is demanding, but the results are amazing. You’ll definitely get a hell of a workout, but it’s worth it to hear her scream “HARDER!” Again, gravity is on your side, so harder is not the problem

What Your Favorite Sex Position Says About You

How do you f*ck? Ever been stuck in the bedroom with someone who refuses to look you in the eyes or someone who won’t stop staring at you? The way you f*ck says a lot about you. It is a proven social science (I SWEAR) that the way you perform in the bedroom is indicative of your personality.

When it comes down to it, different sex positions elucidate how open you are as a person and we all know the more open you are, the better your sex will be.

Let’s get the sh*ttiest one out of the way first…

Missionary

Without a doubt, you are a lackluster lover and probably should not even be engaging in sexual activity if this is the method you decide to proceed in. This person typically likes to play it safe, as this is the “standard” sex position. This can fall into one of two categories: okay boring “passionate” sex or deadfishing, dead-eyed pounding. If you choose the former, you are probably having sex with someone you actually have feelings for since this is face to face, and eye contact is most definitely involved.

Doggy Style

This says something different about the guy and the girl involved. For the guy, this is probably the most dominant type of sex you can take part in. They like to take on the aggressive role while the girl takes on the submissive. The girl can take control back in this situation with a ball handle and a look back at it. This tends to be both men and women’s favorite position. The headboard knocking is the room saying job well done.

Girl On Top

As a guy, you would rather lie back and let the work be done for you. I mean who wouldn’t like to lie back and watch a nice pair of boobs jump up and down in front of them? This girl knows what she wants, how she wants it and isn’t afraid to take control while going after it. She is comfortable with her body and enjoys putting on a show for her man.

Reverse Cowgirl

Men, if this is her position of choice, you got a freak on your hands — or rather your dick. Do not hesitate and do not ask questions, just lie back and enjoy the ride.

Standing Up

For both people, this is usually the go-to for a quickie, and in the shower — unless you can reach the sink, and it’s doggy from there on out. You want instant gratification as you get right down to it.

Spooning

Congratulations, you two are boring, lazy pieces of sh*t. Why do people even engage in this position? It’s boring, there’s no range of motion and every 5 seconds, you need to readjust the angle of the dick. Psh, you can pleasure yourself way more than this position allows for. I don’t want to spoon after, what makes you think I want to spoon during the act itself?

69

If this is your sex act of choice, you need to grow the F up. Stop acting like you are 17. People deserve to get their oral fix with as much attention as possible. Engaging in this takes away from each person’s pleasure. Also, the girl is not trying to do a plank over your body.

Anal

This is for the adventurous, as this hole should remain a one-way street. Do it if you’re daring. You may not be about that life, but if you’re not about creating a life, this is your safest option.

11 things you probably didn’t know about condoms

1. Guns

In World War 2, American soldiers used to use condoms in protecting rifle barrels from clogging.

2. Water

In the Middle East, peasants used condoms to carry water and stretch them between layers of concrete to make the roof watertight

3. Fashion

Brazilian artist Adriana Bertini made a dress, totally out of condoms.

4. Art

In 2003, the Guilin Latex Company made the worlds largest condom. The condom was 260 feet – 80 meters- tall and 330 feet – 100 meters – around. It was put on a hotel in Guilin, China to help and promote World Population Day.In 2005 , the Obelisk of Buenos Aires, Argentina was covered with a large condom. It was 67meters long and created to promote World AIDS Day.

5. Stats

India has long been the most populated country on the planet. It turns out that condoms have a huge fail rate because, Indian men aren’t huge enough to fill one out. They slip off all the time, but overpopulation is a small price to pay to live in a country where women arn’t aware of massive d*cks.

6. Olympians

At the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, there was so much bangin’ going on that the 7,000 athletes burned through all 100,000 free condoms too quickly. That’s 14 condoms per athlete. They actually had to send in an emergency shipment to quell the onset of a giant legion of genetically souped up muscle-monster spawn.

7. Marketing

Magnum condoms aren’t that much bigger than standard ones… it’s actually a huge marketing scheme. Now all guys have an opportunity to trick the ladies into believing their guy has a penis that would make Jon Hamm cry.

8. Scumbags

In the late sixties, the word scumbag actually meant condom. So now you can go around calling people scumbags and diabolically laughing to yourself in a lonely basement, knowing that you just called someone a used condom.

9. Harvard

Some Harvard students actually started a condom delivery service. It would need a slogan. Something catchy and something worthy of the mental champions who walk the halls of this legendary educational institute. They finally decided on the slogan “We’ll Come Before You Do!” Staggeringly brilliant.

10. Hieroglyphics

Although their precise purpose is unclear, condoms are depicted on male hieroglyphics figures dating back to ancient Egypt. Protective sheaths used in the early 1500s were made from ill-fitting animal bladders or intestines, although some of the more imaginative designs were made of metal.

11. Broadway

The cast of ‘Cats’, the musical on Broadway, used to sweat so much during their performances that the microphones were covered in….that’s right, condoms.

Don’t Freak Out! 8 Possible Reasons Your Period Is Late

We’ve all been through that fear. You hear stories of how ineffective condoms can be (Friends anyone?) or maybe you missed a pill. You definitely had sex, with a condom (hopefully) but you may or may not have told him to pull out (if that even helps). Your period was due to arrive yesterday, but it never came. So obviously, you’re freaking the fuck out. But fear not. If you’ve just noticed that your period is taking its time to come, all might not be lost. There are loads of reasons why your period could be late. If your period is late and you definitely didn’t have sex during the past month, then you’re totally in the clear. Sex is needed for pregnancy. No sex, no unplanned baby. If you had sex and you’re seriously concerned, don’t freak out just yet.

1) Stress

College is a festering pool of stress. You can experience anxiety in relation to social situations, assignments, deadlines, boy drama, and girl drama; all these things feed into each other and that does weird things to your body. Plus the fear you get when you notice your period is late only increases stress. So calm down, distract yourself, have a cup of tea and relax…it will come.

2) Change in regular schedule

Taking on new classes or extra curricular activities, like joining a society? Discovered a new show on Netflix and spend every night binging on that until 3am? Agreed to take more shifts at your part-time job? Have you been away travelling or maybe experiencing jet-lag? Even short trips away can disrupt your cycle. All that disruption in your usual day-to-day life affects you on a chemical level, especially if that change started around the time you’d usually ovulate (gross). If you don’t get enough sleep your hormones can be all over the place and that can sometimes mean that your cycle will be a couple days off, or not appear entirely. It can take your body a little time to adjust to a change in your regular routine and that can impact your cycle. Maybe it’s natures way of telling you to slow the fuck down and look after yourself. Thanks nature! Bitch.

3) Being Sick

It’s winter and illnesses are everywhere – not just Ebola – even the common cold can affect your cycle. Again it’s affecting your sleep schedule and that has a knock-on effect on your cycle. Like a change in your routine, it can delay ovulation which will delay your period. Think back a couple weeks, did you  have a cold, digestive problems, food poisoning? Anything that required a few days in bed that wasn’t the result of extreme alcohol consumption? If so, then maybe that’s why your crimson tide hasn’t reached the port yet. Plus there’s also the possibility that there may be something more serious like overactive thyroid problems. If you’re super concerned. Check in with your college campus nurse or G.P. and keep in mind that stress will make it worse, so try to keep it chill.

4) Change in Medication or Drug Use

If you have a long-term illness that requires you to take medication, like anti-depressants or steroids, if your dosage is changed that too can affect your whole body’s homeostasis. That’s why doctors or gynecologists always ask if you’re on any other medication because different medicines react to each other in different ways. Side effects of a change in your drug use can be to delay or skip a period. If you think your late period might be related to this, talk to your doctor.

5) Change in Weight

Either losing or gaining weight. Especially in a short period of time. A huge change to your weight will put pressure on your body to regulate itself and get used to its new dimensions. Don’t be surprised if this affects your period. Sometimes people who are severely over-weight or under-weight don’t have a period at all because their system is fried trying to keep them moving their limbs and keeping their heart beating. Maintaining a healthy weight and diet will not only make you feel majorly better all the time, your periods will be more regular. Don’t freak out if your weight fluctuates a few pounds a week. I’m talking severe weight loss or gain.

6) Exercising More

Not only are the side-effects of this sore muscles and toned abs, a late period is also a result of increased exercising. Again your body is going through enormous change and that can delay the release of certain hormones to begin your period. So don’t worry, keep exercising and it will show up, just give it a few days.

7) Miscalculation

No offence, but it could happen. If you’re not taking the pill, it can get confusing. You might not take note of when your periods arrived in the previous months or maybe don’t realise that most cycles are 28 days long instead of a strict monthly timeline they can vary slightly too. Why not download a period tracker app onto your smartphone or tablet. Most are manufactured with women who want to get pregnant in mind, but they are an invaluable resource to give you an idea when your period will come and how long it will last. They’re surprisingly accurate and most are free.

8) Birth Control working over-time

Birth control pills affect every person differently. We all have a unique genetic make-up and react differently to different medication. That’s why there are different types of birth control. Often if you have heavy painful periods your G.P. will recommend a birth control pill to lighten up your flow. So if you don’t usually have a heavy flow and are on the same pill as someone who generally does, that could mean you could skip a period or it could be so light that you don’t notice it. Check it out with your G.P if you’re unsure. Wait a few days though, because as you can see from this list, a number of things can contribute to a late period.

So don’t freak out. Wait a couple days and it’ll probably arrive. Then you get to forget about the stress and get to enjoy all those wonderful cramps and cravings. Fantastic!

5 People You Shouldn’t Have Sex With In College

For many of us young adults, college is not only a time where we further our education, but also a time where we further our sexual experience. As we approach college we’re informed of many of the do’s and don’ts of sex; use protection, make sure you’re ready, the list goes on. But one thing we’re not made aware of is this: five people you shouldn’t have sex with in college.

This one should be glaringly obvious

1. Your Roommate

So you walk into your new home, unaware of who you’ll be sharing your living space with for the next year. All of a sudden, a dark haired green eyed babe emerges from the kitchen and you’re just sitting there in utter shock. Your first thought is: “Wow, I’d love to get him in bed,” but think again. You have to live with this person for the next year, and unless you want your household to turn into Geordie Shore, sex is never going to be a good idea.

2. Your Classmate

You’re out for the night and after a few drinks you finally have the courage to chat up that nice looking fella you always see in your tutorials. However, as the night goes on and you’re clinging to each other’s sides, the deadly question arises, “Do you want to come home with me?” Before you answer this question, stop and have a little think to yourself. Do you really want to spend the rest of the year sitting in lectures cringing at yourself, knowing that the guy two rows down has seen you naked? No? Didn’t think so.

3. Your Friends’ Roommate

You made the wise decision not to move in with a friend from home, but end up as an extra lodger at their house most of the time anyways. What’s extra fun about their place is that there’s eye candy over there, in the form of an attractive roommate. After a few glasses of wine, the smart idea would be to make a move, right? Wrong. If you plan on spending a lot of time over there, you’re just asking for trouble and making things awkward for yourself in the long run. Don’t do it. Just don’t

4. Your Neighbour

It’s the first few weeks of college and there’s house parties galore, which means meeting lots of new people. This is all good and well until you meet the fine thing that lives next door, and decide the best way to get to know each other is by sticking your tongue down his throat. The night progresses and so does your friendship, and before you know it you end up walking back to his bedroom. Before you open that door, think of all the times you’ll have to see each other over the next year. Then think about how many times you’ll probably in your pyjamas with no makeup on, resembling a boiled crow. If you have sex, you’ll feel like you have to look your best around him forever more. Do yourself a favour and go back to your own bed, it’s only next door.

5. Your Lecturer

What could possibly be worse than being in a lecture with somebody you’ve had sex with? Oh yeah, being lectured by somebody you’ve had sex with. When things go wrong with a sexual partner, seeing them again can be a pretty traumatic experience. Having to see them once or twice a week would be hell, never mind having to listen to them rant on and on for an hour. This one’s pretty self-explanatory, and obviously a bad idea. So yeah, just don’t have sex with your lecturer.

A Serious Case Of Blue Balls? 7 Possible Reasons She’s Not Putting Out For You

Are you deep in the depths of utter sexual frustration? Are you suffering from hand friction burn and deep, dark sadness at the total and utter lack of sex that is currently present in your life? There are of course a whole range of reasons as to why this may be the case for you, but today, Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re going to focus in on why you’re not getting any when you actually have a significant other in your life. Whether that’s taking the form of a long-term relationship gone dry (literally) or a new one where you have yet to do the deed. Here are some possible reasons she’s not putting out for you;

1) She Hates Your Guts (And Other Parts Too)

This is more of a relationship problem rather than a newly dating kind of one. Lucky you, you seem to have found yourself a real charmer. If she’s using the words ‘fine, ok, kk, whatever, yes’ accompanied by shrugging, sighing and tutting, as well as never putting out, then you may as well roll out the red carpet for her departure. You’ve totally fucked up, as in, beyond belief. However mad a girl may be, she still needs regular sex, so if she’s denying you this then you must have royally messed it all up. The real question here is, what did you do?

2) She’s Cheating On You

A combination of already being sexually satisfied, guilty, not attracted to you any more and just another sprinkling of guilt, means that you’re getting no sex whatsoever for the foreseeable future. If you’ve done nothing wrong, have been nothing but loyal and faithful and a loving, caring boyfriend and she has, for reasons you can’t quite understand, stopped wanting your D, then there’s only one possible explanation. She’s putting out for someone else. Sorry…

3) She Has An STD

Why isn’t she putting out? I’ll damn well tell you why.  She’s waiting for that case of crabs to clear up and leave her lady parts. Yes, I understand that you’re absolutely gagging for a good romp, but unless you fancy coming down with a serious case of the clap, then hold your little man captive and have some patience. Those antibiotics will kick in before you know it. Oh and on one last note. If you’re in a relationship and she ‘magically’ becomes STD infested, then see the point above.  Maybe see a doctor too.

4) She’s A Virgin

Yes, that’s right, she still has her V plates firmly attached and isn’t yet ready to shed them. Please remember that she isn’t your ‘lad’ friend and you should therefore treat this subject with extreme caution and sensitivity. The nicer and more understanding you are, the better the chance of  you getting your bit. Coax her, don’t rush her. Just do not be the dick that you usually are. No offense.

5) She’s Bored Of Sex (With You)

What the fuck are you, eighty? Scrap that, Hugh Hefner is eighty eight and still going like a rabbit (see what I did there?). What’s your excuse? Sex isn’t something that you should fall into a routine of unless you’re a commuting, long distance married couple in your late fifties with four kids and a mortgage. Is this you? If it is, then it’s a little creepy that you’re here. If not, then it’s time you mix things up, before you commit fully to a life of solidarity and solo hand loving. Follow that infamous motto and learn something new every day.

6) She Has An Irrational Fear Of Getting Knocked Up

Who doesn’t? Unless you’re Eddie Murphy (eight and counting) or any Irish family from forty years ago, then reproducing isn’t something we think about in our younger, stupider days. We’ve all been educated on the intricate importance of contraception, but that doesn’t lessen the deep, buried fear that we all harbour. What if one of those little divers just front strokes his way in there and ruins our life forever? The only true and one hundred percent effective method of avoiding pregnancy, is by not having sex. Unlucky lad.

7) She Wants Her Next Sexual Conquest To Be ‘The One’

Not a virgin, but perhaps a born again one on some level. This one probably spent the past five years riding her way across the world like a proud jockey until she landed in Thailand and decided that a life of crystal gazing and true love was the new one for her. She laps up male attention like a sunburned kid with a 99, but you’ll soon learn that taking a ride in this girls bed comes at the cost of marriage, babies and crystals in places there should never be crystals. Is it really worth it?

Buhari, Atiku in hot social media contest

Former Head of State, General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd.), is believed to be more popular than any other presidential aspirant of the All Progressive Congress. But investigation shows that his popularity among the masses, especially in Northern Nigeria, does not necessarily translate into a huge following on social media.

There is an indication that Buhari himself, not the army of youths that have stood behind him over the years, may be responsible for his lack of activity on social media.

There is no evidence, for instance, that the former head of state operates a personal Facebook account. But some fake accounts associated with his ambition currently exist on the social network service.

Some of the few pseudo-Facebook accounts where support is canvassed for Buhari include ‘Major-General Mohammadu Buhari for President’ and ‘Gen Mohammadu Buhari/Dr. Musa Rabiu Kwankwaso to Villa’.

Buhari’s ambition is most visible on ‘Major-General Mohammadu Buhari’, another public account opened and operated by unknown enthusiasts last March. With 1,724 likes as of Tuesday’s evening, the Facebook page has become a forum for pro-Buhari discussions and exchange of ideas, though some subscribers also visit to share their disapproval of his ambition.

While it is believed that the Katsina-born retired major-general — who also lacks imprint on Twitter and Instagram — is not heavily-present in social media platforms, his fellow northerner and key opponent in APC, Atiku Abubakar, does.

On facebook, the Atiku conversation is ongoing. Opened on May 2008, the timeline has been updated to capture his campaign theme – #ANigeriaforALL. The page is a flurry of political debates. But with only 404,297 likes, many do not consider Atiku’s reach-out on Facebook impressive.

In spite of this, the page gets an hourly update, which seems to sustain the date on the debate on the Turaki’s campaign slogan.

“In the past three weeks, I have visited almost every state of this great nation, meeting people. They are asking for a change from the status quo,” Atiku posted on Tuesday.

But the change the people were asking for, one Egbuhuzo Ifeanyi noted, could only be achieved when the older generation, which the former vice president belonged to, relinquished power to younger Nigerians. Besides, he added, the presidential hopeful could contribute to the change Nigeria dearly need without occupying the top office.

In two hours, about 576 individuals had endorsed the post.

Atiku also seized the limitless opportunity offered by the cyber space to seek support for worthy causes. On Tuesday, he called on Nigerians to participate in the ongoing voter registration, saying that without it the change that Nigerians desire might not take place.

Atiku also embraces Twitters except that his imprint on the platform may not be considered good enough for a presidential aspirant. He is followed by 178,000 people from different parts of the world, while he follows 28, including Babatunde Fashola of Lagos State; South Africa’s Jacob Zuma; Leader of Mavin Dynasty, Michael Collins. He is also following a couple of corporate handles such as Arsenal Football Club.

From August 2010 till Tuesday, the politician’s Twitter handle recorded 2,414 tweets. His two tweets on Tuesday’s morning were (jointly) re-tweeted by 176 subscribers in six hours. In 24 hours (between Monday and Tuesday), Atiku has six tweets, which were all centre on his campaign.

The most regular question from his fans and foes on the social media is why the presidential aspirant- sponsored university should be so expensive. In a veiled response to this, Atiku said that private school could never be compared with government-funded education.