Welcome to just9janewz's blog: WHAT OBAMA said to me .... Jokes

Wednesday 29 October 2014

WHAT OBAMA said to me .... Jokes

Only a courageous woman can fry a bunch of plantain without tasting any - herbert Macauley (1872)

He who says nothing lasts forever has never tried Hausa perfume - Nelson Mandela (1973)

He who completely unwraps moimoi and gala before eating cannot keep a secret - Abraham Lincoln (1864)

Any man that uses his teeth to cut shaki from pepper soup, with his eyes wide open, is not afraid of anything - Williams Shakespeare (1900)

Anyone who graduates without experiencing a strike, has never been to Nigeria - Lord Lugard (1904)

He who refuses to classify agege bread and akara as a type of sandwich is a racist - Martin Luther King jnr (1788)

Any man who drinks Alomo bitters without squeezing his face, is capable of murder - Michael Faraday (1899)

Drinking Garri doesn't mean u're poor, but allowing the Garri to swell b4 drinking is poverty - Queen Elizabeth (1893)

He who runs around looking 4 scissors to cut indomine seasoning sachet is not hungry - Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe (1947)

No matter how hot your temper is, it cannot cook yam - Goodluck Jonathan (2013)

Anyone who reads this without laughing is either looking 4 job or needs money Badly - Barack Obama (2014).

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Konga.com Affiliate Program Operating Agreement
Updated: February 11, 2014.
Our affiliates are very important to us. We do our best to treat you with the fairness and respect you deserve. We simply ask the same consideration of you. We have written the following affiliate agreement with you in mind, as well as to protect our company's good name. So please bear with us as we take you through this legal formality.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to let us know. We are strong believers in straight-forward and honest communication. For quickest results please email us at affiliates@konga.com. 
Best regards,
Konga.com Affiliate Marketing Manager

PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE AGREEMENT.
THIS IS A LEGAL AGREEMENT BETWEEN YOU AND KONGA.COM
BY SUBMITTING THE ONLINE APPLICATION YOU ARE AGREEING THAT YOU HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT AND THAT YOU AGREE TO BE LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH AND EVERY TERM AND CONDITION.

1.	Overview
This Agreement contains the complete terms and conditions that apply to you becoming an affiliate in Konga.com Affiliate Program. The purpose of this Program is to permit you to advertise Products on your site and to earn advertising fees for Qualifying Purchases. This Agreement is to allow HTML linking between your web site and the Konga.com web site. Please note that throughout this Agreement, "we," "us," and "our" refer to Konga.com, and "you," "your," and "yours" refer to you our affiliate.

2.	Affiliate Obligations
2.1. To begin the enrollment process, you will complete and submit the online application at the Konga.postaffiliatepro.com. We manually approve applications and keep in mind that we may re-evaluate your application subsequently. By using our Affiliate Program, You warrant that:
2.1.1. You are 18 years of age and that there is no legal reason that You cannot enter into a binding agreement.
2.1.2. You are the owner or are licensed to use the entire contents contained on Your website.
2.1.3. Your website and/or newsletter does not violate any law or regulation.
2.1.4. Your website and/or newsletter does not contain misrepresentation or content that is defamatory or violates any rights of privacy or publicity.
2.1.5. Your website and or/newsletter does not and will not infringe any copyright, trademark, patent or other proprietary right.
2.1.6. You place our banners anywhere on your site as you see fit, or within non-spam emails.
2.1.7. Failure to abide by these rules could mean termination from Affiliate Program.
2.1.8. Every affiliate is entitled to one affiliate account, registration of more than one affiliate account will lead to the suspension of both accounts until further notice.  
2.1.9. Fraud is a serious offense, and will be treated as such. Fraud is defined as any action that intentionally attempts to create sales or click-throughs using robots, scripts, or manually "refreshing" of pages and editing of codes, for the sole purpose of creating commissions.
2.1.10. When You use the website or send emails or other data, information or communication to Konga.com, You agree and understand that You are communicating with Konga.com through electronic records and You consent to receive communications via electronic records from Konga.com periodically and as and when required. Konga.com may communicate with You by email or by such other mode of communication, electronic or otherwise.
2.1.11. Advertisement of Konga.com products through ad platforms such as google adwords is allowed as long as You refrains from bidding on Konga keywords. 
2.2. We may notify you of any changes to your site that we feel should be made, or to make sure that your links to our web site are appropriate and to notify further you of any changes that we feel should be made. If you do not make the changes to your site that we feel are necessary, we reserve the right to terminate your participation in the Konga.com Affiliate Program.

3.	Konga.com Rights and Obligations
3.1 All affiliate membership is subject to prior approval, we have the right to monitor your site at any time to determine if you are following the terms and conditions of this agreement, and as such:
3.1.1. Konga.com reserves the right to refuse service to any new affiliate, in its sole discretion, with our without cause. 
3.1.2. Konga.com reserves the right to refuse to do business with anyone, at any time, for any reason.
3.1.3. Konga.com reserves the right, without liability, to reject, omit or exclude any affiliate or website for any reason at any time, with or without notice and regardless of any previous conditions.
3.1.4. Konga.com reserves the right to terminate this Agreement and your participation in the Konga.com Affiliate Program immediately and without notice to you should you commit fraud in your use of the Konga.com Affiliate Program or should you abuse this program in any way. If such fraud or abuse is detected, Konga.com shall not be liable to you for any commissions for such fraudulent sales.
This Agreement will begin upon our acceptance of your Affiliate application, and will continue unless terminated hereunder.

4.	Modification:
We may modify any of the terms and conditions in this Agreement at any time at our sole discretion. In such event, you will be notified by email. Modifications may include, but are not limited to, changes in the payment procedures and Konga.com's Affiliate Program rules. If any modification is unacceptable to you, your only option is to end this Agreement. Your continued participation in Konga.com's Affiliate Program following the posting of the change notice or new Agreement on our site will indicate your agreement to the changes.

5.	Promotion Restrictions
You are free to promote your own web sites, but naturally any promotion that mentions Konga.com could be perceived by the public or the press as a joint effort. You should know that certain forms of advertising are always prohibited by Konga.com. For example, advertising commonly referred to as "spamming" is unacceptable to us and could cause damage to our name. Other generally prohibited forms of advertising include the use of unsolicited commercial email (UCE), postings to non-commercial newsgroups and cross-posting to multiple newsgroups at once. In addition, you may not advertise in any way that effectively conceals or misrepresents your identity, your domain name, or your return email address. You may use mailings to customers to promote Konga.com so long as the recipient is already a customer or subscriber of your services or web site, and recipients have the option to remove themselves from future mailings. Also, you may post to newsgroups to promote Konga.com so long as the news group specifically welcomes commercial messages. At all times, you must clearly represent yourself and your web sites as independent from Konga.com. If it comes to our attention that you are spamming, we will consider that cause for immediate termination of this Agreement and your participation in the Konga.com Affiliate Program. Any pending balances owed to you will not be paid if your account is terminated due to such unacceptable advertising or solicitation.

6.	Privacy policy
Konga.com respects the privacy of its users and promises not to disclose personal or business information to third parties without the express permission of You and Your company.
We will not sell Your name, e-mail address, phone number, or any other personal information to anyone else. We consider this information to be private, and it will remain as such. If You have any questions about Your privacy rights, contact us at affiliates@konga.com

7.	Affiliate payment
Konga.com affiliate program is operated by Konga.com. Konga.com is responsible for payouts of affiliate commissions and all financial transactions related to Konga.com affiliate program. You will receive a commission for referring visitors via your links. In order to place links, You must first be approved by Konga.com to become an affiliate of Konga.com Affiliate Program. You understand that the payout amount may be changed at any time. You are responsible for determining if the payout for a link You have placed on Your site has changed or been discontinued. You receive the commission from Konga.com. Payments are made automatically when Your account balance reaches the specified minimum payout amount or more for the previous months' transactions. Money credited to Your account does not accrue interest.

8.	Refunds, Chargebacks and Bad Checks
If an order is later refunded to the customer or charged back by the customer, or if a customer's check does not clear, the referral fee and any Affiliate chargeback fees, will be deducted from the next monthly payment sent to the Affiliate.

9.	Grant of Licenses
9.1. We grant to you a non-exclusive, non-transferable, revocable right to (i) access our site through HTML links solely in accordance with the terms of this Agreement and (ii) solely in connection with such links, to use our logos, trade names, trademarks, and similar identifying material (collectively, the "Licensed Materials") that we provide to you or authorize for such purpose. You are only entitled to use the Licensed Materials to the extent that you are a member in good standing of Konga.com's Affiliate Program. You agree that all uses of the Licensed Materials will be on behalf of Konga.com and the good will associated therewith will inure to the sole benefit of Konga.com.
9.2. Each party agrees not to use the other's proprietary materials in any manner that is disparaging, misleading, obscene or that otherwise portrays the party in a negative light. Each party reserves all of its respective rights in the proprietary materials covered by this license. Other than the license granted in this Agreement, each party retains all right, title, and interest to its respective rights and no right, title, or interest is transferred to the other.

10.	Disclaimer
KONGA.COM MAKES NO EXPRESS OR IMPLIED REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES REGARDING KONGA.COM SERVICE AND WEB SITE OR THE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES PROVIDED THEREIN, ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF KONGA.COM ABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT ARE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMED AND EXCLUDED. IN ADDITION, WE MAKE NO REPRESENTATION THAT THE OPERATION OF OUR SITE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR FREE, AND WE WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF ANY INTERRUPTIONS OR ERRORS.

11.	Limitations of Liability
WE WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU WITH RESPECT TO ANY SUBJECT MATTER OF THIS AGREEMENT UNDER ANY CONTRACT, NEGLIGENCE, TORT, STRICT LIABILITY OR OTHER LEGAL OR EQUITABLE THEORY FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, LOSS OF REVENUE OR GOODWILL OR ANTICIPATED PROFITS OR LOST BUSINESS), EVEN IF WE HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. FURTHER, NOTWITHSTANDING ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY CONTAINED IN THIS AGREEMENT, IN NO EVENT SHALL KONGA.COM'S CUMULATIVE LIABILITY TO YOU ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THIS AGREEMENT, WHETHER BASED IN CONTRACT, NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, TORT OR OTHER LEGAL OR EQUITABLE THEORY, EXCEED THE TOTAL COMMISSION FEES PAID TO YOU UNDER THIS AGREEMENT.

12.	Indemnification
You hereby agree to indemnify and hold harmless Konga.com, and its subsidiaries and affiliates, and their directors, officers, employees, agents, shareholders, partners, members, and other owners, against any and all claims, actions, demands, liabilities, losses, damages, judgments, settlements, costs, and expenses (including reasonable attorneys' fees) (any or all of the foregoing hereinafter referred to as "Losses") insofar as such Losses (or actions in respect thereof) arise out of or are based on (i) any claim that our use of the affiliate trademarks infringes on any trademark, trade name, service mark, copyright, license, intellectual property, or other proprietary right of any third party, (ii) any misrepresentation of a representation or warranty or breach of a covenant and agreement made by you herein, or (iii) any claim related to your site, including, without limitation, content therein not attributable to us.

13.	  Confidentiality
All confidential information, including, but not limited to, any business, technical, financial, and customer information, disclosed by one party to the other during negotiation or the effective term of this Agreement which is marked "Confidential," will remain the sole property of the disclosing party, and each party will keep in confidence and not use or disclose such proprietary information of the other party without express written permission of the disclosing party.

14.	  Miscellaneous
14.1. You agree that you are an independent contractor, and nothing in this Agreement will create any partnership, joint venture, agency, franchise, sales representative, or employment relationship between you and Konga.com. You will have no authority to make or accept any offers or representations on our behalf. You will not make any statement, whether on Your Site or any other of Your Site or otherwise, that reasonably would contradict anything in this Section.
14.2. Neither party may assign its rights or obligations under this Agreement to any party, except to a party who obtains all or substantially all of the business or assets of a third party.
14.3. This Agreement shall be governed by and interpreted in accordance with the laws of Nigeria without regard to the conflicts of laws and principles thereof.
14.4. You may not amend or waive any provision of this Agreement unless in writing and signed by both parties.
14.5. This Agreement represents the entire agreement between us and you, and shall supersede all prior agreements and communications of the parties, oral or written.
14.6. The headings and titles contained in this Agreement are included for convenience only, and shall not limit or otherwise affect the terms of this Agreement.
14.7. If any provision of this Agreement is held to be invalid or unenforceable, that provision shall be eliminated or limited to the minimum extent necessary such that the intent of the parties is effectuated, and the remainder of this agreement shall have full force and effect.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014

WHAT OBAMA said to me .... Jokes

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