Sometimes us ladies, through no fault of our own, become too settled in our long-term relationships. We expect our partner to pick up the slack and treat us like princesses. This is not fair on the poor oblivious men, and when they can’t live up to our expectations guess who’s going to have their hearts broken? We need to stop thinking our love lives are going to play out like they do on the big screen – which often only shows the falling in love side of relationships anyway. Not the day to day and making it work. I too am slave to this mass media strain on my sex. I try to keep these in mind with my own long-term relationship. It’s not always easy, but its worth it.
1. Recognize the difference between sarcasm and bitchiness.
Yes all fun-loving college men want the hot, opinionated, independent, funny girl; but they don’t want a nagging bitch who constantly makes fun of their flaws. There is a line and make sure you don’t cross it while trying to be the next Tina Fey or Amy Poehler. Plus, not everyone exactly ‘gets’ sarcasm and they won’t have someone to helpfully point it out every time you crack out the sardonic wit. Don’t take it too far or you’ll end up pissed off and he’ll end up upset.
2. Learn how to take and give compliments.
Most guys just don’t comment on a girls appearance, not because they don’t notice but because they don’t know any better. They recognize it but don’t pass along a compliment. That being said if you do get a compliment, enjoy it and don’t over analyze it to death. He said you’re pretty. That’s cool, own that compliment, maybe say thanks. Also, guys need the occasional ego boost too. If your guy is looking particularly good today, let him know. He might brush it off but then again it might make him feel good about himself and about you too.
3. Learn to listen.
Although us females love talking about our problems and our lives we aren’t always the best listeners. Guys usually are because they dread the day when they’ll have to open up about their feelings. However, when they do let them speak. Listen and don’t start telling them how to live their lives or what they should do to make it better. Sometimes people just need to vent. Let them, be there for them. Do not under any circumstances make fun of them for having feelings and being a normal human being. And don’t instantly make it about yourself and interrupt them and start talking about your day. You don’t need to fix their problems they just need to know that you’re there for them. If you can listen to your best girl friend’s problems, you can listen to your boyfriends.
4. Stop bringing up your exes.
Especially if your current fella hates the guy. This is a person that you once had a deep emotional connection with (or he connected his penis with your vagina deeply). Do you really think your boyfriend wants to hear about that? Even if it is to compare your current boyfriend to him in a positive way. Like saying that your current boyfriend is so much better than your ex is so many different ways. He knows he is a better fit for you, because you’re together. You should know this as well. Why do you need to remind yourself? If you are bringing him up to get a rise out of your boyfriend, to get attention or proof that your boyfriend cares for you, just stop it. Stop letting your insecurity win. Strong women don’t need to use manipulation and mind games to win a guys affection. He’s your boyfriend. Clearly he cares.
5. If you’re upset about something, tell him.
Seems obvious enough but most of the time we don’t want to seem like we’re overly emotional or sensitive. Get over that. You’re allowed to feel things and if your boyfriend does something or says something to upset you he can’t always just tell from your body language that you’re pissed. He isn’t a mind reader. It probably won’t happen again once he knows that it upset you. Your relationship will be better for it once you both understand that you have feelings and they can get hurt. Don’t put up with him thinking that your feelings don’t matter. If he doesn’t care about how you feel then he doesn’t really care about you.
6. Don’t bitch about his family or friends, even if he does.
That’s what you can bitch about with your friends. If he asks you to pass judgement on something they’ve done by all means tell them you think it was wrong if you feel it was. But don’t go overboard. He can’t choose his family and he might take what you say as a judgment on him. He clearly likes his friends if they are still his friends so don’t put him in a position where he has to choose between you and them. Make an effort with them. If he invites you to hang out with them for drinks go along and be nice, not judgmental. They don’t have to be your friends but you can try to get along with them.Don’t go overboard and try to be one of the guys if that isn’t your style. He might think that you’re flirting with them, even if you aren’t. Just remember that he has feelings too.
7. Be thoughtful.
Listen to his interests and take note of his hobbies. If a show or match comes up that you know he’d be interested in buy him tickets for the both of you to go to it. Be enthusiastic about his hobbies and he should return the favour. When you know his hobbies and interests that makes present giving so much easier. Don’t settle for buying him a sweater or a shirt, that’s what his mum is for. A book that he’s wanted for ages or merch from his favourite TV show is a lot more thoughtful and will be more appreciated.
8. Don’t try to move in too early.
Don’t start leaving things at his place without saying it to him first. Asking him if he’d mind if you left stuff there, is not difficult and could make your overnight’s easier. Don;t invade his space and take over his room with clothes and beauty products. Especially when you’re in college. You don’t need to freak him out with that much commitment. You need space from each other from time to time, not another roommate.
9. Don’t be all over him in public.
Why do you need to display you affection in such a public way. A kiss here and there, hand holding etc. is fine in public but he’s not a toy for personal gratification. He’s a person, don’t use him to show off that you have a boyfriend. Its great that you clearly like him so much, but save the PDAs for private times. Plus you don’t need to disgust everyone in a five mile radius with your lip smacking and lustful groping.
10. Tough love is for puppies not for boyfriends.
Ultimatums do not make you seem determined or strong. They make you seem mean and petty. Ultimatums are not romantic and how are you supposed to go from you yelling at him and threatening to leave to living happily ever after? You just put him through the mill emotionally. It’s not fair. Do not threaten to leave him if he doesn’t do things your way. Don’t point out his flaws and tell him he should change and do things your way. Who made you the queen of relationships? Who knows if your way is actually the right way? He is a human being, with flaws – just like you. You need to listen and understand his motives and feelings as well as your own. Its only through mutual respect and understanding that relationships survive.
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