I don’t know about you, but there are details of my sexual history that I’m reluctant to share with a fully-fledged bf/gf, let alone someone I’ve just met online and might be going for a beer with. So then, how honestshould you be on a date?
There’s clearly a difference between ‘lying’ and ‘withholding information,’ especially when it comes to dating. Going on a date with a girl who you explicitly told you were single, when really you have a live-in girlfriend would make you — ta da! — a liar. Going on a date with a girl and withholding the sordid details of your lastbreakup doesn’t make you a liar. You have no obligation to divulge such personal information. Even if she was to ask how your last relationship ended, you’re entitled to brush it off with; "It’s complicated, things didn’t work out too well but I’ll bore you with details another day," before briskly changing the subject and getting another round in. First dates should be about chemistry, finding out who you are and what you like and seeing if there’s enough of a spark for another date.
Possibly one of the least sexiest dates I’ve been on was with a man who revealed that his last two girlfriends had cheated on him and that he’s prone to the "odd bout" of depression. If I liked the guy and it was a (good) few dates in before I became privy to his troubled past, I’d be sympathetic. But the first date? Way too much information. I didn’t see him again after that.
The problem with over-sharing is, it freaks us out. Getting to know someone on a date is talking about your kooky family or sharing a holiday anecdote. Getting to know each other in a relationship is when the potentially uncomfortable truth comes out. I mean, if I’m on a first date with a guy I fancy I’m not going to admit that I’m prone to mood swings, hogging the bed and "odd bouts" of jealousy, am I?
From my dating experience, some topics should absolutely be out of bounds for the first date:
Your insecurities
We all have them, sure, and in time they’ll surface. And that's fine. But if you’re trying to impress a woman, she needs to think of you as strong and capable, not needy and emotional.
We all have them, sure, and in time they’ll surface. And that's fine. But if you’re trying to impress a woman, she needs to think of you as strong and capable, not needy and emotional.
Your past
We want to know about you, not the bitch who broke your heart.
We want to know about you, not the bitch who broke your heart.
Your finances
Nothing is more of a mood killer than a man who moans. A man who moans about money — or lack of — is about as attractive as Boris Johnson in Speedos.
Nothing is more of a mood killer than a man who moans. A man who moans about money — or lack of — is about as attractive as Boris Johnson in Speedos.
And the things you should always be honest about:
If you have children
You surely won’t want to waste your time dating a child-hater, and she won’t thank you for withholding such information, so let it out nice and early.
You surely won’t want to waste your time dating a child-hater, and she won’t thank you for withholding such information, so let it out nice and early.
Your future
Having aspirations and goals is really sexy.
Having aspirations and goals is really sexy.
Your marital status
Note: ‘separated’ does not mean ‘single.’ It means ‘still married.’ You wouldn’t believe the number of girls I know who’ve found out, mid-third-date that his divorce is still ‘in progress.’
Note: ‘separated’ does not mean ‘single.’ It means ‘still married.’ You wouldn’t believe the number of girls I know who’ve found out, mid-third-date that his divorce is still ‘in progress.’
So, remember: lies aren’t cool, but retaining a sense of mystery certainly is.
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