I’d first like to start off by saying I am by no means a ladies man or a player, but this one weekend, I managed to get the ride two nights in a row…my mojo was in full swing. It was totally out of the norm for me and I’m certainly not bragging, in fact, this is more of a confession, I did something I’m not so proud of.
So it was a Friday night and me and the lads went for a few pints which turned into a few more and eventually a dance off in coppers. I hopped out to the smoking area and there is where I met her, romantic I know. She asked me for a lighter and we got chatting. After a few seconds I realised she was locked as I was. I’m not really sure how it all happened but we ended up scoring and getting a taxi back to my place.
In mine we fumbled around for a while then I found a condom, slipped it on and proceeded to give a relatively mediocre sexual performance. The next morning we exchanged numbers, shared a chicken fillet roll and she was on her way. I went home and slept a bit more as I had a mates 21st later on.
Again myself and the lads met for a few pints before heading on to the birthday party. He was a friend from school so there were a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a long time. Everyone I spoke to I was catching up with. I started talking to the “hot” girl from my year, Sarah. The one who everyone fancied but was always with older guys, a bit of a bitch actually if I remember correctly. Anyway, I don’t know what she was playing at but she was flirting with me, and being the sucker I am I flirted back. We ended up scoring at the party and eventually she suggested going back to mine.
We got in a taxi and messily fell around my apartment into bed. We started fooling around and eventually we were about to have sex when she stopped me
“Do you have a condom” she asked
I cursed myself, I was sure I’d used my last one the night before!
She insisted that there’d be no sex if there was no condom, I was furious, I had the chance to shag the hot girl from school and I was about to blow it, we metaphorically, physically I wouldn’t be blowing anything….
Then I had the most ingenious yet evil thought I’ve ever had, I would lie and pretend I was using a condom. I neared her pussy with the tip of my dick, in my mind it was in slow motion to the theme tune that Darth Vadar walks to …
I couldn’t do it, It was far too risky, I wasn’t having sex tonight.
Then I saw it, the soggy, wrinkled used condom from the night before, sitting there, staring at me. I jumped out of bed and seized it, I mimicked a tearing sound with my mouth and pulled it on. It felt wet with the dated semen running over my dick.
“I found one!” I shouted
And in I went, for the guiltiest sex I’ve ever had …
Don’t judge me, fuck. I know, it’s even worse when I wrote it down. Thought you guys would appreciate it though.
“Ben”
rubbish story..........
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