Real Stories Fake Names: “Dave”

I was on holidays in lag last year with a few friends, your usual lads holidays, lots of drinking and shit. So we’d made friends with these girls in our hotel, a few of us were scoring them and we’d generally head out to the strip together at night time. So one night after copious amounts of booze, we ended up on the beach passing around a bottle of what I think was tequila. The girls started stripping and ran into the sea to skinny dip…

So me and the lads did what any one would do, we dropped trou and followed suit! We were all thrashing about the water having a laugh and then one by one couples started to form. I was with the girl I’d been scoring, Rachael*, and we started fooling around under water, the water made lifting her up really easy, so I pulled her up and onto my Johnston. I dropped one hand in an attempt to commandeer the ship into the harbour, it was at this point I realised my balls had fully retracted into my body, I was obviously too drunk to notice the cold, but my poor tinkerbells were not! 
So I’m trying to get it inside her and it’s proving incredibly difficult, something about water and vagina lubricant just doesn’t go together, sex underwater is not easy! Anyway, I eventually got it in and she started bouncing on top of me. I have to say, I felt pretty awesome, its definitely one of those “tick off your list” things to do.
So were riding away when she starts telling me to “stop” and “fuck off” and I’m like, “huh?”. So she starts screaming “Here, what the fuck, I don’t wana do that!” and hitting me and stuff.

She’s wriggling about the place, squirming and screaming. Everyone else in the group stops what their doing and rushes over, the lads looking at me with ‘what the fuck’ faces. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ASS!” She screamed suddenly and everyone just stopped and looked at me… I jumped about about 3 feet away from her and and she was thrashing around like a fucking epileptic dolphin. It was only then that her friend realised that she’d be stung…by a jelly fish…in and around her hula hoop. 

Her friends took her off but me and the lads were laughing too much to go with them… So if you’re reading this Rachael*, I thought it would be a good opportunity to apologise.....