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Sunday 19 October 2014

Would She Be Pissed If I Left? 30 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head After Sex.

You’ve just got it on and engaged in the epic act of fornication. Congratulations. You’ll probably find these following post-coital thoughts swimming around your head after the initial orgasmic blur has lifted.

1. Girl: I just had sex!

    Guy: And it felt so good.


2. Girl: OK how do I ask him to get off me without sounding like a bitch?

    Guy: Am I crushing her right now?


3. Girl: God I’m sweaty.

     Guy: I think I sweated all over her, hope she doesn’t notice.


4. Girl: That was awesome / That was so crap.

    Guy: That was awesome.


5. Girl: Should I tell him?

     Guy: That was so awesome.


6. Girl: He should probably take off that condom.

     Guy: Should I take off this condom? Ugh its so much effort though.


7. Girl: I think I just need to lie here for a second.

     Guy:  I think I’d rather just lie here.


8. Girl: He’s still breathing heavily. I must have rocked his world!

     Guy: Oh that was amazing…


9. Girl: Is he sleeping??

     Guy: Crap nearly fell asleep, I don’t want to be that guy.


10. Girl: Wait, where is he going?

       Guy: I really should take off this condom.


11. Girl: Oh, the condom, right.

       Guy: Careful, careful, careful…don’t want any cum on the floor.


12. Girl: There’s something very sexy about seeing him walk around naked.

       Guy: Why is she looking at me? Where the fuck are my boxers?


13. Girl: My boobs hurt.

       Guy: Oh my god she’s rubbing her breasts, if I wasn’t so tired…


14. Girl: God I’m thirsty.

       Guy: Jesus I’m thirsty.


15. Girl: I should go pee. I don’t want to get a UTI.

       Guy: She’s going to the bathroom again? Girls have such small bladders.


16. Girl: Where are my clothes? How did we get them all over the room?

       Guy: Christ she’s hot naked.


17. Girl: I hope none of his roommates are up.

       Guy: Would it be rude if I fell asleep while she’s gone?


18. Girl: I bet my hair is a mess.

       Guy: her hair’s a mess, how did that even happen?


19. Girl: I’ll fix it in the bathroom.

       Guy: Why is she taking so long in the bathroom?


20. Girl: What now? Do we cuddle? Spoon? Sleep?

        Guy: Should I cuddle her, would that be weird?


21. Girl: Oh, he’s going to cuddle me, yay.

        Guy: I’m so sleepy.


22. Girl: I wonder how it was for him?

        Guy: Christ that really wore me out. But that time when she did with that move…that was amazing.


23. Girl: Maybe I should ask…’So how was it for you?’

       Guy: ‘Ammm…good?’ is that an OK thing to say?


24. Girl: W.T.F. does that even mean??

        Guy: ‘It was really good, how was it for you?’


25. Girl: ‘Worth repeating.’ Who’s a sexy bed vixen?

        Guy: That’s hot, I hope she doesn’t mean right now. Now is time for sleeping.


26. Girl: I wonder if his arm has gone to sleep. That can’t be comfortable.

        Guy: I think my arm is dead. Would she be pissed if I moved it?


27. Girl: I kind of wish he couldn’t cuddle me right now. He’s really warm, too warm, and sweaty.

        Guy: Ugh its too hot…


28. Girl: Would it be rude to check my phone right now? He’s sleeping so he might not notice.

       Guy: Is she sleeping? Could I check my phone?


29. Girl: I wonder did his housemates hear us?

        Guy: zzzz


30. Girl: What’s the plan for breakfast?

        Guy: I’m hungry.

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